Holiday hate sex

In: Casual Sex|Dating tips|Uncategorized

22 Dec 2011

It’s holiday time and if you’re like me, you don’t give a flying f**k. That being said, one of the best parts of the holidays if you’re single is hooking up with old ex’s that are single as well. The problem is sometimes after a good holiday boning, they might end up thinking that you want to get back together. Here are a few expert tips on how to have quality hate sex with your ex adult friend this festive season.

The hateful invitation

If you want to make sure there is no confusion over what you’re inviting this person over for, don’t mince words. Here are a few simple text messages that get right to the point.

1.

“Wanna bang?”

2.

“I’m horny, are you?”

3.

“the condoms you bought me are about to expire…”

4.

“I have a gift that nobody seems to want, it’s in my pants. You always liked my re-gifts before”

5.

“I’m just drunk enough to think that sex with you is a good idea. Want to come over?”

Setting the stage

Setting the stage is a very important part of XXX hate sex. Get it just right and they’ll know exactly how you feel, get it wrong and you’ll have to be rejecting them like an unwanted puppy all winter long.

1. If your place is clean, mess it up. You can’t have them thinking you cleaned up for you, that implies consideration. Also, feel free to hide the toilet paper and just have some rough paper towels in the bathroom.

2. Don’t shower, don’t shave, if you’re a girl, don’t wear makeup.

3. When they come over, have a few drinks but if they ask for one, say they’ll have to split one with you because you’re saving them for guests later on in the week.

4. If you know there is a certain food they hate… make sure to have some on the table and offer it to them.

Hateful behavior

If you want to make strong impression on how much you hate someone, behavior often speaks louder than words. In fact, the best way to have hate sex is to not say anything hateful at all,  just let your actions do the talking.

Tip one

Leave on the socks and make sure they’re tube socks. Nothing says I’m only having sex with you to get off  like dirty tube socks. Click here for more on tube socks.

Tip two

Receive but don’t give oral. Ya, I said it, be a greedy MoFo.

Tip three

Do it doggy style. Don’t look them in the eyes.

Tip four

Give their ass a smack if you’re the guy, or rake your fingernails over his back if you’re the girl.

Tip five

Bang HARD. This isn’t love making, it’s hate making. Ride hard and then when you’re done, jump off like you’ve touched something dirty. Immediately have a shower.

Tip six

Get the hell out. If it’s your place, put on your clothes and say you have to be somewhere. If it’s their place, say the same thing.

Tip seven

No kiss goodbye, just a high five. Nothing says I can’t stand you like a high five to someone you just had sex with.

Well that’s all I have for the holiday hate sex, if you have any more ideas, feel free to drop me a line. In the mean time, I hope you get a good handful of holiday hate sex this season.

Comment Form

About this blog

Welcome to the one stop blog for sex advice, XXX topics that you can’t ask your doctor and how to become your own adult cupid. Anything that makes your knees quiver and pupils dilate can be found on our blogosphere. We’ll tell you how to match with your best vibrator and identify what sex position will get you and your partner to cry out the big O.

Twitter Updates

Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.

Follow me on Google+

Couldn't get data from google+

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 16 other subscribers